It looks so calm outside. The sun is shining. There are cars on the road and people walking around. It looks like any other spring day in Chicago.

It’s not any other day because here I am, at home, feeling like all the worry and anxiety I suppressed about this virus bubble up. I should limit my social media time. Really. The private Facebook group for my fellow nurses at my hospital is informative, but sometimes it takes me down the dark, winding path of despair. Issues are brought to light that are familiar in other institutions across the country, even the globe. The same pressing issues are at my hospital.

Not enough Personal Protective Equipment… Inadequate Personal Protective Equipment… Not enough COVID-19 tests… Not being notified if you take care of a COVID-19 patient… Not being tested after exposure to a possible COVID-19 patient… Changing guidelines from the CDC based on availability of supplies in this country and not because of science… Finding out that someone you worked with was just diagnosed… Worrying you might bring the virus home to your loved ones…

I try not start my day on social media, but then the fear of missing important information sucks me in. Then the stress… Why do I do this to myself? And on my day off no less…

Do nurses ever really get a day off in a crisis even when they are not at work?

I am also in a Facebook group called COVID-19 FOR HEALTHCARE WORKERS. Based on posts from frontline healthcare providers in Italy and other parts of the world, I am anticipating that our situation is about to get worse. I’m gearing up by seeking out Best Practices. It is so sad that I may benefit from the horrific experiences of my fellow nurses. May God have mercy…

I wonder, is everyone awake and ready? I hope so…