Author: Marjorie

Nurse As Coach

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Last month, I graduated from The Nurse Coach Collective’s Transformative Nurse Coach Program that trains nurses to become Board Certified Holistic Health and Wellness Coaches. It is accredited by the American Holistic Nurses Credentialing Corporation. When I first heard about this program, I thought, “I love it, but how legit is it?” After doing extensive online research and networking, I had enough information to satisfy my inner critic and so I moved forward. Once I finished the program, the practicum, graduated, the question became, “Now what?”

Hold onto your panties, friends… This is the part where a Former Operating Room Nurse with a Business Past turns into (finally) an Entrepreneur, Founder and CEO, Bad Ass Bitch, Nurse Coach!!!

Entrepreneurship

When I started the program, I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do upon completion. Should I return to a hospital and try to find a job as a nurse coach? This is still a new specialty so not every hospital has this position. Some nurses who have finished this program were able to create a position for themselves in their institutions.

And then it occurred to me… I have always wanted to be an entrepreneur, a business owner, my own boss.

I took an Entrepreneurship class in college and loved it. I never pulled the trigger, because I was intimidated, so young, so very green. I thought that I should do what everyone else was doing which was trying to find the right job, the right boss, the right company who would propel to me to a successful career which would then lead to a happy life.

But doing what everyone else was doing was not working for me.

My path was long and winding, starting in business and leading to healthcare. And here I am, a holistic nurse coach building my own practice. Every step in my career has prepared me for this. My weird combination of experience in Advertising, Recruitment, Management, Nursing, Public Relations, and Coaching, has brought me to this moment. As I have shared my new mission with friends and former co-workers, they told me that I have been coaching all along. “You coached me,” they testified. I never realized that. I never gave myself credit for that. Never.

Right now, more than ever, I feel like I have found my Purpose, my Calling, my Path.

This is where I am. I’m digging deep into the archives of my Entrepreneur brain and refreshing my skills. I have already given my practice a name, and, like building a boat, the frame or the bones are under construction.

New Path

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After my last post, I wasn’t sure what to do with my Blood, Guts, and Coffee blog and Instagram account. I really felt like I was done with nursing, but especially OR nursing. My last year in the OR was not a good experience. I remember loving my job once upon a hospital. I moved to from one city to another which meant starting over in a new hospital and a new OR. Honestly, I hated my fucking job. It’s a strong sentiment, but I can’t deny my feelings. Something didn’t feel right from the beginning. I ignored my intuition. I ignored the bad Feng Shui. I ignored the red flags. I ignored the fact that no matter how hard I worked and how positive I tried to be, the bad juju would not leave. So I had to leave.

Over the span of an 18 year career as a Level I Trauma Operating Room Nurse I went from high energy, thriving under stress (or so I thought) to a broken body and soul. The last job was the Universe screaming at me, “GET OUT NOW!” The signs were all there. It was not just one but many experiences throughout my career that brought me to that point. So many lessons learned… I will write about them at another time (so, yes, I’m keeping the blog & the IG account). But anyway…

I couldn’t deny the fact that, if I continued in OR nursing, it would literally kill me. The joy was gone. I had gained weight. My skin was dull. I looked and felt tired all the time and then, out of nowhere, I had a GOUT attack! Me?!? Fucking dehydration…

What the hell was happening to me???

When that chapter was officially over and I walked out of those hospital doors, I felt immense relief, and of course, a little fear. I had the unwavering support of my partner, but still… So many WHAT IFs floated around in my head. My partner was the voice of reason and of calm.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “We’re fine. Take the time to rest.”

It was difficult to relax and deprogram myself from the ridiculous schedule that nurses are forced to comply. For a long time, I kept waking up at 4:30 AM. For what? I had nowhere I had to be. I didn’t have to drive in traffic, change into scrubs, down a cup of coffee, and wait in line with my co-workers to clock in on time. There was a peaceful silence. No more surgeons yelling at me. I had more time with family and friends – people who really loved me. No more toxic people judging me, talking behind my back, pretending to be my friend. That was gone. I felt so FREE.

Leaving that job was the best gift I could have given myself. I wouldn’t realize it until much later how much I needed the change.

I could finally breathe.

What a difference a few months made! By December, I was ready to start thinking about what was next for me. On my bathroom mirror, with a black dry erase marker, I wrote:

“What do you really want out of your life?”

I stared at that question every time I brushed my teeth. Every time I washed my face, I opened my eyes to those words. They beckoned to me from outside the bathroom door, “Have you decided yet?” Uninspired, I had to go digging for an answer.

I scanned the internet for information. I read books, blog posts, social media posts, listened to podcasts, and watch YouTube videos for inspiration. I put in hours of introspection. I was determined to choose well for myself.

After all that digging, I finally found my answer.

Thanks to my yoga teachers, favorite podcasters (Mel Robbins, Dan Harris, Stephen Bartlett, Julia Louis-Dreyfus), and author Bruce Feiler! It sounds strange, but these voices, these ideas, all conspired to inspire me.

What did I unearth? There was something which I strongly felt called to do, where I could utilize ALL my skills and experiences, truly help patients be healthier, while I – YES, ME! – could stay healthy. Better yet, I could actually BLOOM. The discovery was Transformative Nurse Coaching.

And this is where my next adventure begins…

Pivot

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Hello???

Is anyone out there?

If you are reading this, then thank you for checking out my blog. I haven’t been a faithful writer, so thanks for checking on me.

My life is changing. The light has gone dark for that chapter of my nursing life. It is time to leave the stories of intensity, joy, friendship, and then sadness, in my life in the operating room. Honestly, I don’t know if I will ever go back to it. BUT. I will always be a nurse.

The good news is that I am training to be a Nurse Coach. I am choosing to step out of my comfort zone and head into a field where there is an opportunity to help people BE WELL. I will emerge online in new iteration of myself as a healer. I am excited about the possibilities.

Blood, Guts, and Coffee was created in an effort to speak up for my nursing specialty. Now I want to do more. Instead of complaining or mourning what healthcare has turned into, I want to spend my energy moving FORWARD into a better future for patients and healthcare workers.

Take care of yourselves, Dear Readers…

Intentional Exit

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I did it.

I quit my job.

I have been talking about doing something other than OR nursing for years and I finally decided there is no perfect time like the present.

In that OR job, every day was a grind. I tried to make the best of it by smiling through the day, cracking jokes with co-workers, and convincing myself that all the bullshit was worth it for my patients. But I am NOT a martyr. The job I had was not challenging in the ways I had hoped. It was an easy job in the sense that I knew what I was doing, but the Feng Shui or the flow of this department was completely off making life more difficult than necessary. Everything about that place was harder than it should be, from finding instruments to transporting my patients to the PACU. I knew it the moment I walked in, but ignored my better judgment. I was just looking for stability since I had just moved into town.

I quit without having another job lined up. My partner was frustrated seeing me come home in such a frazzled and anxious condition night after night. It was starting to take a toll on our relationship. He said, “We’re fine, just do it.” His support provided me the comfort that I could say goodbye to this job and survive.

“Where are you going?” asked my co-workers.

I replied, “Nowhere.”

The response was usually a look of confusion, then understanding. “I don’t blame you,” they said.

I know that most people can’t quit a job without having another one lined up. Honestly, I am lucky to have a partner that supports me, money in the bank, plus skills that could get me a job anywhere. I just have to decide on what I want to do. Start my own business? Maybe. Work for a friend’s PR agency? Maybe. Travel Nursing? Not unless I’m desperate.

Two months have passed since my last day at the hospital. I have been taking time to debrief and heal myself. It sounds easy, but it really isn’t for a person who is so used to moving all day. I literally have to force myself to sit still. I’m getting better at it. Seems comical, doesn’t it? You should try it.

As I work through the years of trauma and tension in my body, I am also doing things that I have put off because of my work-life imbalance. Finally, I’m working on house projects I have put off, creative endeavors I haven’t had time for, and reconnecting with the side of me that has been neglected.

My partner and I also traveled abroad last October for two weeks. We drove from Paris to Lyon to Barcelona to Bordeaux and back to Paris, stopping at small towns along the way. I had never been outside of Paris nor had I been to Spain. I had never driven a car in Europe! What an adventure! It was the perfect way for the two of us to strengthen our bond with each other and connect with the world. Much of it was unplanned, giving me a taste for what’s ahead. I had to become comfortable with being uncomfortable, a skill I much needed to resurrect for my next chapter. We met so many kind and wonderful people! Honestly, the only reason I wanted to come home was because I missed my dog. She would have loved France!

Since my return, I have been determined to get my health and wellness on track. I’m taking baby steps starting with going for daily walks around the neighborhood with my dog, taking her to the beach and parks, reaping the benefits of all the nature here in Wisconsin. I’ve recently returned to my yoga practice. I had no idea how much I missed it until I started back up. The creaks and squeaks coming from my body tells me how much I have neglected her. Recently, I read that we store a lot of trauma in our body. I’m hoping that yoga will help me release what my body has held for years.

Another discovery (or should I say re-discovery) is my love for reading. My theory is that my mind was so overloaded that I could not take in one more bit of information, fact or fiction, especially when it did not pertain directly to being able to do my job. The thing about OR Nursing is that there is no shortage of things you need to, or want to, learn. I was one of the people who loved to learn something new if it meant that it would make me a better nurse, a safer caregiver, and a good mentor. While this is a positive characteristic, it also left me with little energy for anything other than OR nursing. This is my own fault. I know I let that happen. It DOESN’T have to be this way. I just never figured out how to balance my time.

This break, this time I have to myself, I know it is a luxury. Not everyone can afford to do it. I really wish they could because I am finally starting to feel like “me” again. Just typing that statement makes me cry. I am so grateful.

Until next time, Dear Readers… Be well.

Systems Stabilized

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The Overwhelm has subsided. Or perhaps Time is healing some wounds that makes this job almost palatable. It helps that I have found Allies, a necessity if you are going to survive in the OR. I don’t know what it is about this environment that makes it difficult to feel like part of the team. I need to ponder that question over a glass of wine, because I definitely can’t make sense of it without a buzz!

The business I wanted to start is now on hold. Now is not the right time for it. The business partner I was counting on was someone who I personally adore, but lacks business experience and knowledge of the kind of work it takes to get a big dream up and running. It has been difficult for us to connect outside of work. I’m a big believer that if things are meant to be, they happen with some ease.

Another thought that crossed my mind when thinking about having a business partner is that I have always been that person who leads a team project and ends up doing all the work. That was fine in grade school, high school, and college, but I think I finally need to say NO to this one. Or maybe just a different partner, one who could share the work of building the business plan. Maybe no partner at all? The fever for running my own business is still burning only now I have to decide which idea to pursue.

For now I’m not leaving OR nursing. I’m sticking it out until I can figure out my next move. Until then, I have a lot to think about.

Brain Dump

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I woke up this morning with what I call “The Overwhelm;” the feeling of being trapped under the snow after an avalanche. I can’t dig myself out. I’m struggling to breathe. I can’t seem to find a way out. Outside the sun is shining and the birds are singing, a sign that Spring is around the corner. Yet, I am on the Struggle Bus.

I know this is temporary. The beacon inside me says, “Keeping digging.”

There is no rescue team. I must rescue myself…

Digging

Last October, I was optimistic about my new job. At this point, I am questioning my decision about staying in OR nursing and working for a large institution. Whatever I thought I learned during my two and half month sabbatical between jobs, I have quickly forgot. The Overwhelm has a way of taking over sometimes and I never know when it will hit.

The new gig has been challenging and frustrating, so much that I actually considered calling my old manager to see if I could do an agency stint down there. I left my last job because I no longer wanted to live in that city. I left because I didn’t want to see the parade of gun violence victims brought into our OR. Do I really want to go back to that even on a part time basis? I don’t know…

“Don’t it always seem to go, you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.” ~ Joni Mitchell

I miss the relationships I had with people – my fellow staff members, physicians, ancillary staff, the trust that was built through difficult times. I miss having a supervisor who rolled up her sleeves and helped the people she led. I miss having a supervisor that encouraged my creativity and appreciated my contributions to the department. I miss having charge nurses that were on the same mission as the staff – not to just keep the schedule moving, but to put the right staff in the right rooms. I miss the resources we had that helped us focus on patient care: the equipment guys, the sterile processing runners, the supply chain techs that would fill our supply lockers in the rooms. I miss the layout of my last OR which was open and helped facilitate a relationship with the Command Center. After all, the people in charge should know the staff and their skills.

Reality

Yes, I’m mourning the Past and I am trying to accept my Present. BUT WHAT ABOUT MY FUTURE? I don’t believe that I need to accept my current situation as my future. I am actively searching and meditating on what is next for me. I don’t think it involves OR nursing. I don’t think it even involves nursing. After all the hard work I put into getting my nursing degree, the blood, sweat, and tears I poured into every OR nursing job I have ever had, I am ready to give this all up for a little less sorrow and a little more joy.

The Year 2023 has already been a hard one and it’s only the beginning of March. The Universe slapped me in the face with the deaths of three strong women – my aunt, my friend, and my partner’s mom. A question emerged from the heartbreak, “What do you want for YOUR LIFE?”

Search

I am looking for the courage to face what is and what could be. I know there is no easy way out. But what is harder is staying in a joyless situation. I have more questions than answers.

Has healthcare changed so much that I won’t be able to find happiness in my work? Or is it me? Have I been changed by what I have witnessed over 17 years of OR nursing that the passion and fire I once had is beyond revival? Is it selfish for me to want to take care of myself and relinquish the honor of taking care of patients? Do I still love nursing enough to find another role outside of a OR staff job? What has enabled long-time nurses to stay in this line of work for as long as they have? Do I really need to leave the OR, nursing in general, or do I just need a therapist?

Beyond

Sometimes work takes over my life. I have to remind myself about the things that bring me joy on the outside: my partner, my dog, my family and friends.

Why do I always forget about this? Why is my identity so tied to my work?

I am exploring a new venture: starting my own business. This is separate from me being an investor in my significant other’s business. This will actually be MINE. Well, technically “OURS” – my business partner (another nurse friend), and me. I am starting work on the business plan today. It’s going to be a secret for a while until we are, God-willing, ready and able to launch.

I need to stay in this job for now. I need to find a way to fend off The Overwhelm. I want more joy in my life. And I know that I need my family and friends more than ever.

The good news is they have always been there. I just have to ask for help.

Help!

Starting Over

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New city. New job. New life.

We did it. My partner P and I finally left Chicago and headed north to Wisconsin. It was bittersweet leaving the town I have loved all my life. So many great memories, yet that city is unrecognizable to me.

Is this what old people say?

I guess I am older now, but those memories feel like they were just a moment ago. Riding my bike along the lakefront path… Cruising down Lake Shore Drive… Playing touch football, beach volleyball, and floor hockey with the Chicago Sport and Social Club… Bars, music, dancing… All the activities of my youth! Then later, fine dining and culture… It all felt safe.

But then things got worse – the violence and cost of living… What the hell, Chicago???

I don’t know when the wheels started falling off. With the exception of my first year as an OR nurse, I have been an OR nurse at a Level I Trauma Center for 16 years. Trauma call was bad, but then it got WORSE. (Or maybe the PTSD was rearing its ugly head? The jury is still out on this one…) My last hospital was THE PLACE where ambulances brought victims of gun violence, stabbings, and motor vehicle accidents. In the last year especially it seemed like every day my department saw something catastrophic.

The decision to move was not made overnight. It fermented for months. How could we leave family and friends? And then we just could not take it anymore. For the sake of our mental health and our relationship, it was time to do it. Besides, we weren’t going far away and we had family and friends in Wisconsin.

One of the hardest things to do was resign from my job. It wasn’t perfect – no hospital is… But in the grand scheme of things, it was one of the best places I have ever worked. I felt respected, even loved, by my colleagues and friends. I was in my comfy, cozy, comfort zone. Deep down, I knew it was time for a change, a new challenge.

Hello, Wisco…

I asked the Universe for a challenge and I got one. Moving was stressful. Every day for the first month we discovered something that needed to be fixed in our rental home. My Wisconsin license was pending with no word of any progress. I had applied well in advance of the move. The plan was to take one month off between jobs. One month turned into two, which then turned into two and a half. It took a little political help to push it along. But I needed the break. Desperately. I’m still processing everything that bubbled up during my sabbatical. More on that topic later…

Getting an operating room nursing job was easy with 17 years of experience, including scrubbing, circulating, management, and exposure to all the surgical specialties, especially trauma. The hurdle I am facing now is orienting to a huge hospital with different processes, surgeons, staff, and all the personalities that come with that… Ah, the weirdness of an OR!!!

I’m three weeks into the job and so far so good (at least in my eyes). OR nurses are Type A, each in their own way. For me, I want to know everything about everything NOW. Enthusiasm is good, but I need to stop myself.

Slow your roll, girlfriend…

One of my nurse preceptors could not believe that “at [my] age” I am making this change, as if I am running the gauntlet.

Ummmm… What???

My mind is still sharp. My body is still strong. Comfort zones can be a death sentence. Sometime somewhere in my life I became fearful of stagnation. Even if I get comfortable at my new hospital, I know that I will always be looking for opportunities to learn something new. I’m even looking into how to make my own YouTube videos. Totally not kidding… But that’s for another post!

So many things I’m still processing, still mulling over, still figuring out. This is good. It means that I’m not done yet. Ah, Life!!!

Return To ME

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For eight months, I have been silent. It’s not that I don’t want to write… When I am just about to pull out my laptop, something gets in my way. It’s my To Do List, the telephone, the need to tidy my surroundings before I do something that requires sitting. More accurately, I get in my way. The excuses are really my tendency to procrastinate. I know that this will be good for me – to write and get everything off my chest.

I am so much better than before. Truly. Seriously. I promise I am.

What has helped me over the last several months, is that I finally put myself first. I leveled up my meditating game and have been making breakthroughs thanks to Dan Harris and crew at Ten Percent Happier. I have been doing MORE – more yoga, more listening to music, more cooking, more sitting down and doing NOTHING. It was a struggle not to feel like I should be doing more and being more “productive.” Thankfully, I came to the realization that, even if I was doing “nothing,” that that was actually SOMETHING for me and my mental health.

Meanwhile, things at work are interesting. COVID brought on different challenges, but then we all got used to the way we had to live our lives (N95 masks, all the PPE, negative pressure rooms, etc.). In the last six months, came another change – the loss of staff to lucrative agency contracts. My former co-workers have not been traveling out of state, just staying local. In fact, it feels like all the big hospitals in the city have just exchanged staff. We have been lucky to get some talented nurses who are very nice and fun to work with. Agency work isn’t for everyone, so we have added new staff as well. As a result, I have been teaching – A LOT. I actually enjoy it, but it doesn’t hurt that we get extra pay for precepting.

Watching my friends leave to pursue agency contracts has been hard. I completely understand why they are doing it, but still… It feels a little like breaking up.

Inevitably, I think that I will be going the agency route too. My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving to another state, so for now, I am putting agency opportunities on hold. Thoughts about leaving my current job make me sad, but things have changed so much that one way or another, it will never been what it once was.

Yes, change is inevitable. I have to accept this and be willing to let go of my comfort zone. The way I choose to look at the state of nursing and the uptick in agency staff is that I am increasing my network of nurse friends. Operating Room Nursing is such a small world. There aren’t many of us out there, so it stands to reason that I will eventually work with my friends again! And I’m good with that.

With all the changes in my personal life, professional life, and the world in general, it feels like I found my center and ready to ride whatever wave comes next.

Sinking

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It was the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic when last I posted. To summarize where I have been over the last year feels impossible. I have not quite come out of the Pandemic Funk. Actually, I’m not sure I know anyone who has. People may say it has been quite the roller coaster ride; to me, it has been more like traveling through the Swamp of Sadness in the Never-ending Story. In order to get through it, “you must not let the sadness overtake you.”

I’m not winning…

At work, we went from stopping elective surgeries in April 2020, to having a committee decide which surgeries we could do, to finally opening it up to business as usual by June 2020. We started vaccinating staff in late December 2020, which I was part of the lucky first group of staff to get a shot. The vaccine clinic was happier than the happiest place in the world, Disney World, everyone said. Masks have been required in the hospital since the start of the pandemic. Only recently has my institution changed its policy, now requiring surgical masks onsite instead of cloth ones. Thank you, Delta variant…

Last year I thought that the OR staff would be redeployed to other areas of the hospital. It never happened. As it turns out, we have a very particular set of skills (think Liam Neeson, but opposite): saving people via Trauma Surgery. I never thought about this before, but it is true. As challenging as it is for med-surg nurses or other unit nurses to go to the ICU, they would be able to handle that. Going from floor to surgery? BAD IDEA. Covering trauma surgery? WORSE IDEA! Our OR staff can set up in 4 minutes or less to take care of a trauma patient. The upper leadership concluded that it would be wise to keep those of us with these crazy but necessary skills out of COVID units, so that someone can take care of victims of gun violence and other traumas.

Gun violence in Chicago… Sigh. That is one thing that did NOT stop during this pandemic. And it seems like it is getting worse. Honestly, I thought it was just me who thought this. Today I asked my OR crew of friends and everyone agreed: things are getting scarier in Chicago. We don’t need to look at the stats… You can actually see how many patients with gunshot wounds are rushed up to surgery. Who knows what the city’s Powers That Be will do, IF they do anything, about this violence. All I know is, my desire to leave the city that I love is growing each day. The shootings, the taxes, the traffic, the cost of living, The Cubs; this city hasn’t been the same for me for a long time.

This is all too much…

I feel like I have been in a constant state of mourning since the beginning of the pandemic. So much has been taken away from me….from all of us.

Sadly, days after my last post (March 24, 2020), I lost my Auntie C. (my mom’s sis-in-law) to COVID. She was an ICU nurse for over 33 years in Florida. Auntie C was taking care of patients infected with the virus until she couldn’t anymore. By the time her COVID test results came in, she was already at death’s door, unable to breath. COVID-19 was so new, so many unknowns, that doctors were unsure of interventions. She died on March 27, 2020. Auntie C’s funeral was live streamed via Facebook. I watched on my laptop while Facetiming one of my cousins who could not see it via her computer at work. No one in my family could go down there and stand beside my uncle as he laid her to rest. It was so surreal and made an already tragic moment worse for my family.

I watched as other family friends went through the same thing. They lost loved ones to COVID and were not able to properly lay them to rest.

My personal list of losses, other than my Aunt, have accumulated. I realize they may not be terrible in the grand scheme of life; however, if added up, weighs heavy on me mentally and emotionally.

I am mourning what I once knew…

My family has changed. Over the last four years, the family dynamic became uncomfortable, even hostile, because of political views, Democrat/Independent versus Republican. In comes the COVID-19 pandemic and then it became Science versus Nonsense/Politics. My family has never been so divided… I mourn the loss of joyful family gatherings focused on food, music, dancing, laughter. I am sad that I have to step on eggshells and think carefully of how I phrase things when speaking to certain family members for fear of triggering an argument about truths and non-truths, leading to anger, frustration, and hurt feelings. When a conversation starts going down that path, I try to pump the breaks before it ends up in a family feud.

Will my family ever recover and go back to the way it used to be?

Recently, I moved from one home to another. It is a big change, exciting in many ways, but very stressful. My partner of four years, aka The Bear, believes that the move triggered ALL the feelings I have swept under the carpet. I have been more irritable, moody, negative, and impatient. That isn’t my baseline emotional state and it is scary.

When I feel like my world is out control, I tighten up the reigns on whatever is mine: my things, my time, my compassion. I can’t share. I close up shop. Knock, knock. No one is home. This doesn’t bode well for all my relationships, especially the one with the love of my life.

Things finally came to a head the other day. The Bear had a “Come to Jesus” talk with me. He was brutally honest. But he was right. I knew he was right. I have been sinking in The Swamp of Sadness and have not been myself lately.

Tears, tears, tears. Then more tears.

I decided and he agreed: tomorrow is a new day with a new mission — Saving Myself.

Nurses, like many healthcare workers, are not good at taking care of themselves. We advise our patients on better health but completely ignore our well-being. Now, more than ever, we need to stay healthy – mentally, physically, emotionally. This pandemic is far from over.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”

No more sinking… I promise.

Living On The Edge

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It looks so calm outside. The sun is shining. There are cars on the road and people walking around. It looks like any other spring day in Chicago.

It’s not any other day because here I am, at home, feeling like all the worry and anxiety I suppressed about this virus bubble up. I should limit my social media time. Really. The private Facebook group for my fellow nurses at my hospital is informative, but sometimes it takes me down the dark, winding path of despair. Issues are brought to light that are familiar in other institutions across the country, even the globe. The same pressing issues are at my hospital.

Not enough Personal Protective Equipment… Inadequate Personal Protective Equipment… Not enough COVID-19 tests… Not being notified if you take care of a COVID-19 patient… Not being tested after exposure to a possible COVID-19 patient… Changing guidelines from the CDC based on availability of supplies in this country and not because of science… Finding out that someone you worked with was just diagnosed… Worrying you might bring the virus home to your loved ones…

I try not start my day on social media, but then the fear of missing important information sucks me in. Then the stress… Why do I do this to myself? And on my day off no less…

Do nurses ever really get a day off in a crisis even when they are not at work?

I am also in a Facebook group called COVID-19 FOR HEALTHCARE WORKERS. Based on posts from frontline healthcare providers in Italy and other parts of the world, I am anticipating that our situation is about to get worse. I’m gearing up by seeking out Best Practices. It is so sad that I may benefit from the horrific experiences of my fellow nurses. May God have mercy…

I wonder, is everyone awake and ready? I hope so…